A Mindful Labor
Today I am trying to write this blog post while breastfeeding using voice to text--How's that for multi-tasking? As I mentioned last week, a major personal goal for my maternity leave is to pursue a more mindful life (I'm dubbing it Maternity Mindfulness Marathon). Though I have no illusions that this time will any less stressful or more restful than a typical work week, I am looking forward to the opportunity to focus. I think one of the hardest things about being a working parent is the division of attention--family priorities and work priorities are constantly vying for the top spot on the To Do list. Maternity leave offers an opportunity to place one thing, decidedly, at the top of that list with no apologies. So I'm embracing it and trying to go all in, sleepless nights and all.
Last week I mentioned two books that I had recently begun reading and the timing couldn't have been more perfect. The first book, called Everyday Blessings by Jon Kabat-Zinn and Myla Kabat-Zinn, is a book about mindful parenting; the second book is called No Mud No Lotus by Thich Nhat Hanh and it is about suffering and the principle that happiness is “Learning To Suffer Well.” (I absolutely love that phrase and think it is SO true.) Another great resource I should mention and one that I recently found is a podcast called Secular Buddhism hosted by blogger Noah Rasheta.
Last Friday brought the perfect opportunity for me to work on one of the goals I set for MMM: to have a more mindful labor and delivery. Our son and second child arrived one day early on May 6th. Both listening to this podcast and reading the two aforementioned books has felt quite serendipitous. In both reading and listening, I have come across phrases, paragraphs, and anecdotes that all seem to relate perfectly to the things I am experiencing and all offered wisdom--believe it or not--that assisted me during labor.
In No Mud No Lotus Thich Nhat Hanh suggests a mantra to assist in mindfulness during sitting meditation. The phrase is quite simple but this simple phrase assisted me through almost all of labor without any medication. It goes as follows: Breathing in, I am aware of my inbreath, breathing out I am aware of my outbreath. I will admit that this phrase got me all the way to 20 minutes short of the birth of our son (at least I think it was 20 minutes--time is really distorted when you're in labor), at which point contractions became so strong I requested an epidural. Thankfully, an experienced nurse suggested one final cervix check and told me, "Honey, you don't need an epidural. You need to push." Later, my husband told me no one even knew I was in active labor yet because I'd been breathing in such a controlled manner.
Originally, my birth plan included nitrous oxide as an alternative to an epidural, should the pain become too much for me. Upon arriving at the hospital, however, we learned that the hospital had run out of the tubing necessary to deliver the nitrous oxide. I immediately recognized a situation described in the Secular Buddhism podcast. In this episode, the narrator likens life to a game of Tetris. Mindfulness, he commented, consists of manipulating the shape you are given in any one moment, not wishing for a square in the future or regretting you did not receive one in the past. Mindfulness is about being present and accepting, whatever the circumstances. Mindfulness requires that when the hospital runs out of tubing for nitrous, you breathe deeply and carry on. It would have been so easy to let this unfortunate surprise totally derail my labor, but I'd listened to this podcast and so I was prepared. This has, overall, been excellent advice in the past weeks. Sometimes it's the story we tell ourselves about our situation that causes the most suffering of all.
In the first days of my son's life there have been many opportunities to practice mindfulness--from dealing with our toddler's tough adjustment to our new family structure to breathing (again) through those first few days of breastfeeding. One exercise that has been particularly helpful (and another goal for my MMM) is to continue meditating 10 minutes per day. Sometimes this happens at 4 a.m. with an infant latched on my boob and sometimes it happens during a quiet moment when the baby naps. Either way, it has helped me find energy when I am exhausted, compassion when I am frustrated and understanding when I am flummoxed. Such as…how to convince a toddler that daycare had a strict No Pants, No Service policy. Tips?
Thumbnail image "Return of the Parent Heron" from New York Public Library Digital Collection.