Life is Better With a Reward Chart
streamline
do less. live more.
Teaching and rearing young children is rewarding and meaningful work, but it isn’t always easy. In particular, young children may struggle with transitions and with their lack of autonomy and power. As a physical therapist, I use a variety of tools to help children—often chronically ill or injured children—stay motivated, but as a parent one of my most valuable tools has been a simple one: a reward chart.
Our Reward Chart…It’s not fancy, but it works!
The Coffee Card for Toddlers
A reward chart functions kind of like that coffee card in your wallet. Buy so many cups from the same shop, and eventually you earn a free latte. Our kids’ reward charts are like that except that they have so much more energy than we do already, we would never dream of giving them coffee. After so many points for good behavior, they earn a prize.
We started using a reward chart with my daughter after other ideas failed. Most notably, we posted a list of rules as well as a list of consequences (1st warning, 2nd warning, etc.). This was totally ineffective, and as my husband quickly realized, our star negotiator (age four and a half) did not even bother listening to us until she had worked her way through all her reminders and warnings…then when it was time for an actual consequence, she began her appeal. In desperation, we tried something different.
Some of the ways to earn points in our house…as you can see the kids gang up on Dada.
Focus on the Positive
Three things make our reward chart work (most of the time). The first is that the reward chart shifts the focus of attention away from what our kids are doing wrong to what they are doing right. This helps us avoid the perpetual criticism that inevitably comes with managing our children’s bad behavior. Instead, we get to applaud them for what they do well. This incentivizes good behavior twice over: (1) they progress toward an ultimate prize and (2) they get positive attention from us.
Second, our kids choose what prizes they receive when an entire chart is complete. Often their chosen prize is a special outing—bird watching or a treat at the coffee shop together—with myself or my husband, which means we also get one-on-one quality time with them. Sometimes their chosen reward is a thing (puzzles are a big favorite in our house), but we keep it reasonable. When they ask for a pony or a trip to New York City, we just say no.
Third—this is where the “most of the time” part comes in to play—the chart works when we use it..and only when we use it. Sometimes we forget. Luckily, our daughter is a pretty good advocate for herself, so she occasionally reminds us that a particular good deed on her part deserves a reward point. We don’t, however, always remember to do it for our son, and that may be one reason we spend more time focusing on his negative behaviors.
Research is mixed on whether intrinsic (I do it because I want to do it) and extrinsic (I do it because I received something external) rewards impact motivation. For many people a good habit or behavior can desert them once the external reward is removed, and so intrinsic motivation is thought to create more lasting habit change. On the other hand, rewards can be particularly useful in helping people initiate behaviors and may be particularly useful for young children because they are so concrete.
Do you use reward charts in your family or in your classroom? Share your ideas and tips in the Comments section below!
Psst. Did you know that leaving a comment can help Daycare and Development get seen by search engines and other readers? Share your brilliance!
Psst. Thanks for helping support Daycare and Development!
