Bringing Up Bebe

story time

good books for bigs and littles

It's a bit of a running joke in my household just how much I love Bringing Up Bebe by Pamela Druckerman. I just finished my third reading of it (my husband swears it's the fourth), and I've assured him that I will probably read it a few more times before our child-rearing years are over. Why do I love this book? Well, the reasons are many, but I'd have to say that Reason Number 1 is that it makes me calm. With Baby #2 on the way, it's safe to say I have some anxiety about the approaching life changes. There's something about Pamela Druckerman's tone, her relatable anecdotes, and the overall philosophy of French parenting that is deeply reassuring. Druckerman spends a good deal of the book comparing the French approach and the American approach, and it becomes clear that one of the major distinguishing features is a refreshing absence of maternal guilt in the French approach. A few points:

• French mothers commonly return to work and stop breastfeeding around the 3-month mark (despite this, infant health stats are far higher in France than in the US.)
• French parents are firm about bedtimes (perhaps, as a result, infants often start "doing their nights" (sleeping through the night) at a few months old). Likewise, they are firm about utilizing childcare and extended family members to give them breaks and time together as just a couple. The philosophy seems to be: what is good for the couple is also good for the child.
• French parents have a few non-negotiable rules of behavior. You have to address people politely and have good table manners. There are a few others, but basically aside from these, kids are given a lot of autonomy and respect. Even from the get-go. French parents often say please and thank you to their children, even when they are infants. (I love this.)
• You're allowed to spend some time on you. In fact, it's encouraged. The darker side of this is that there's a lot of pressure for Moms to return to pre-baby weight and still look good while juggling motherhood. But the upside is that taking time for a spa day isn't something you have to negotiate. The emphasis on the couple means that, of course, you would want to take some time for yourself.

Isn't that refreshing?

I could go on and on and on about this book. But, to keep it succinct, I will merely say: Read It. You will lament our lack of subsidized childcare, healthcare, and free education (excuse me, I just had to stifle a sob) but, even still, I think you will walk away feeling better. I do. Every time I read this book.