In this series, I’ve explored mothers as learners. I talked about the characteristics of learning mothers, strategies for enhancing mothers’ learning experiences, what and why they’re learning, and how mothers use technology to learn. In this final post I want to explore how mothers’ learning interacts with that of their children.

As described in the first post of this series, the ideal of intensive mothering defines social expectations for many women who are, or hope to become, mothers. When Hays and Flannery (2000) advised their readers to “unlearn their gendered self,” I believe this is part of what they were calling attention to. Society may expect a certain form of motherhood, but that doesn’t have to be the version of motherhood we choose.

At the same time, decades of research has shown the importance of an engaged and responsive caregiver (NAEYC, 2021; US DHHS 2006; Zero to Three, 2016). So mothers might be excused for feeling that if they “drop the ball” (also the title of a great book about working motherhood by Tiffany Dufu, which I reviewed here), their children’s development will suffer. I want to offer an alternative theory.

Learning for

Decades of research—often the same research showing the importance of an engaged, responsive caregiver—has also shown links between maternal education level and developmental outcomes for children. When mothers have higher levels of education, their children tend to have better developmental outcomes across a range of variables (USDHHS, 2006; Sultana, Wong, & Purdy, 2020). Partially, this is probably explained by the fact that higher levels of education usually correspond to greater financial stability (both cause and effect), which enhances development through avoiding problematic experiences like hunger and eviction, and also provides more disposable income for experiences like summer camps, tutoring, travel, and music lessons. It’s also possible that education itself causes mothers to recognize the importance of that responsive, engaged caregiving. Stressed, unhappy, unhealthy moms also aren’t particularly good for children’s development either. A host of studies have shown that high maternal stress and poor mental health can negatively impact children’s physical health, cognitive development, academic success, and wellbeing (Baudry et al, 2017; Clowtis et al, 2016). If learning, as an aspect of personal development, creates wellbeing, that might have positive effects that spill over to children.

learning with

Another possible vector for the positive benefits of moms furthering their education is the example they set for their kids. By now, most of us are probably familiar with the notion of “the growth mindset” (Dweck, 2006). This concept, from the field of psychology, posits that development (and wellbeing) are enhanced when people adopt a growth versus a fixed mindset. In a fixed mindset, a person believes that they either have an innate ability or they don’t, and they have little capacity to change their abilities or their circumstances. When a child, or an adult, adopts a growth mindset, however, they see challenges as surmountable obstacles, as learning opportunities. It may be that watching their mothers engage in learning—formal or informal—models a growth mindset and increases the likelihood that children will adopt and enact that same mindset. A growth mindset has consistently been shown to improve outcomes for people of all ages, including kids.

Learning from

Did you know that you could fit 2 million Earths inside the sun? Nor did I, but today I learned…from my kids.

This morning, my children and I were walking in the woods as the sun was rising (long story). I pointed out how beautiful it was—envision a pale sun glowing through winter trees—and my son commented that it looked really small but that that was only because the sun was so far away. My daughter followed up with the “2 million Earths” factoid. I honestly don’t know where they get this stuff, but I love it. My memory for such wisdom has been crowded out by research articles and remembering vet appointments, but my kids know so much about so many things. (Don’t even get them started on Pokemon…no really, please don’t get them started…I, like, just got them to stop.) This has caused me to reflect on how much I, as a mother, learn from my children.

When they were infants and toddlers and I was negotiating new motherhood and a career, I learned so many other lessons. I learned how to get huge projects done in 15-minute chunks. I learned to always work ahead because there will always be a sick day or a snow day. I learned how to complete tasks, even when I couldn’t stay a minute later at work (Hint: it involves my work journal and some other productivity hacks that I’ve written about on this blog). I learned…So. Much. Patience. I learned (and continue to learn), how to advocate for myself as a mother, a wife, an employee, a human. Having children has been a tremendous character-building experience that I anticipate will continue as my children mature and I grow more gray hairs …wise.

My kids are now six and eight, and I get a kick out of how much they enjoy teaching me what they know. My son, who is already an extremely talented artist, loves to give me drawing lessons. My daughter, font of wisdom on medicine, health, chess, Pokemon, literature, world politics, and so much more, likes to occasionally get out her pointer and give a good old fashioned lecture. (The girl plans a mean picnic too!)

Beyond being sort of cute remembrances of my kids’ childhoods, I think these experiences learning from my kids teach a larger lesson. We are all learning…from each other…all the time. That goes for mothers and children too. Mothers don’t stop learning when they have kids. In reality, they are learning in a myriad of contexts about a myriad of subjects. At times, motherhood is a challenge to learning (and certainly there are things that make learning more possible and accessible for mothers…see the second post in this series for tips). But motherhood also is the learning experience. As mothers, we are teaching our children and fostering their development, and they are doing the same for us.

Promoting learning among mothers and supporting their wellbeing while learning, in turn benefits children. And vice versa. Discarding the intensive mothering model—rather than harming children—might benefit all if we can instead adopt an expansive mothering model—where each family member is learning, growing, and supported in their learning…and everyone does the dishes :)

In 2012, Christopher described an alternative to the intensive mothering model, which she dubbed “extensive mothering.” In this model, women expand their notion of motherhood to include being a manager of helpful others—extensions, if you will—who assist with the work of intensive motherhood (house cleaner, daycare provider, etc.). I’m proposing an evolution of that model, which I’m calling expansive mothering, where motherhood is viewed as an experience of growth and development, and the domestic logistics of family life are not tacitly assumed to be a mother’s responsibility—whether to perform herself or to manage through delegation to others.

Thanks for reading about Mothers and Learning! You can check out all the posts in this series below. Please share your thoughts in the comments section below!

Post 1 – Mothers as Learners

Post 2 – Supporting Mothers’ Learning

Post 3 – Mothers’ Formal and Informal Learning

Post 4 – Mothers, Learning and Technology

What are you learning and why? What helps you learn? What hinders you? What do your kids teach you? Who or what are your most unexpected teachers? Leave a comment and share your brilliance!

References

Baudry, C., Tarabulsy, G. M., Atkinson, L., Pearson, J., & St-Pierre, A. (2017). Intervention with adolescent mother–child dyads and cognitive development in early childhood: A meta-analysis. Prevention Science, 18(1), 116–130. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11121-016-0731-7

Christopher, K. (2012). Extensive mothering: Employed mothers' constructions of the good mother. Gender & Society, 26(1), 73-96. https://doi.org/10.1177/0891243211427700

Clowtis, L. M., Kang, D.H., Padhye, N. S., Rozmus, C., & Barratt, M. S. (2016). Biobehavioral factors in child health outcomes: The roles of maternal stress, maternal-child engagement, salivary cortisol, and salivary testosterone. Nursing Research (New York), 65(5), 340.

Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The new psychology of success. New York, NY: Random House.

Hayes, E., Flannery, D. D. (2000). Women as learners: The significance of gender in adult learning. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.

National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC). (1995) Position statement: School readiness. Retrieved from https://www.naeyc.org/sites/default/files/globally-shared/downloads/PDFs/resources/position-statements/PSREADY98.PDF

National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC). (1995). Quality, compensation, and affordability: A position statement of the National Association for the Education of Young Children. Retrieved from https://www.naeyc.org/sites/default/files/globally-shared/downloads/PDFs/resources/position-statements/PSQCA98.PDF

Stone, C., & O’Shea, S. (2019). My children. Think it’s cool that Mum is a uni student: Women with caring responsibilities studying online. Australasian Journal of Educational Technology, 35(6), 97–110. https://doi.org/10.14742/ajet.5504

Sultana, N., Wong, L.N.L., Purdy, S.C. (2020). Natural language input: Maternal Education, Socioeconomic deprivation, and language outcomes in typically developing children. Language, Speech & Hearing Services in Schools. 51(4), 1049 - 1070.

United States Department of Health and Human Services (USDHHS). (2006). The NICHD study of youth and child development – findings for children up to age 4 ½ years. USDHHS, National Institute of Health, National Institute of Child Health and Development. Retrieved from https://www.nichd.nih.gov/sites/default/files/publications/pubs/documents/seccyd_06.pdf

Zero to Three. (2016) Tuning in: Parents of young children speak up about what they think, know and need. Tuning in: National parent survey report. Retrieved from https://www.zerotothree.org/resources/2517-home-visitors-parent-educators-and-family-services-professionals-critical-resources-for-parents-and-families